


All That We Are

by LawrIsNotMocked



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Anger, Break Up, Emo, Fluff, Happy Ending, Loss, Love, M/M, Return, Running Away, Sadness, Sappy, fleeing, ghosting, javert blames himself, javert feels unloved, javert feels unwanted, javert is sad, reunited, shouldn't have fallen for each other, they miss each other, valjean runs away, valjean was overwhelmed, valjean's nature is to run
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:47:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21749995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LawrIsNotMocked/pseuds/LawrIsNotMocked
Summary: Valjean ghosts Javert after they get to know and love each other.  Valjean wonders if it was wrong to fall for Javert.  Javert is saddened by the sudden loss, and assumes he is to blame.  They cannot stand their time apart.  Valjean returns to Javert.  Simple.  Sappy.
Relationships: Javert & Jean Valjean, Javert/Jean Valjean
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	All That We Are

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Waistcoat35](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waistcoat35/gifts), [anna_chronistic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anna_chronistic/gifts).



> I suggest listening to Blue October's song 'All That We Are.' I drew major inspiration from the lyrics. It's a beautiful song. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qa_M7CS1Kvc)
> 
> For Waistcoat35 and anna_chronistic, who always are supportive of my work. :) <3

Jean Valjean found himself on yet another train, headed far from the place he’d called home for the past 5 years. On the run again. As always. He just couldn’t settle in one place forever. It was in his blood to flee. This time, it was because he’d fallen too hard, too fast for someone. Someone he shouldn’t have fallen for at all. He sighed deeply, and his mind wandered as he fell asleep, the sound and soft jostling of the train calming his nerves. As he drifted off, he had vague bursts of dreams flash before his eyes. Visions of a tall, serious man with long, dark auburn hair and icy blue eyes…

Inspector Javert sighed, discontent, but finally home after a long day of work. He leaned against the doorframe of his house, eyes unfocused but looking at the sunset. Something about the hue of the sunset reminded him vaguely of a man. A man who hadn’t stayed in his life nearly long enough. But it was just as well. He was a man Javert shouldn’t fall for. Still, every little thing tended to remind Javert of him. It was maddening. And he had just up and left yesterday. No word, no notice, no note… just gone. It was 75 degrees outside, and still, it gave Javert chills to think of him. That angelic smile, the way his eyes crinkled when he did. His soft-looking white hair, his warm sunset amber eyes… 

When Valjean finally arrived in the town that would be in his new home (until next time he felt the urge to take flight, anyway), he wandered through the cobblestone streets, pulling his luggage (his whole life, packed into several bags) behind him. Again, his mind wandered too. Thoughts of the man he’d fallen for made him shudder and suddenly gasp for air... he had almost forgotten to breathe. The dark, serious man whose eyes were a colder blue than a frozen creek in January took his breath away, just like sharp January winds often did. Little did Valjean know, poetically, that man had actually been born in January. He found the apartment he’d rented in advance, knowing he’d have to run again one day, and let himself in, and dropped his luggage just inside the door. He stumbled over to and fell gracelessly onto the unmade bed, letting his eyes close and his mind run free. He dreamt he was back with the man he’d fallen so desperately in love with. He dreamt he was being tortured. He was drowning. Inside his head, it began to snow. Was this a sign? Should he just return? What if it wasn’t meant to be? What if it was too soon, too hard, too fast? What if he wasn’t wanted, if he returned? For him, Valjean just might do it all again. The blizzard raged on. 

Javert wandered the streets that night. Not on duty, just as a man. A man who was mentally lost. Why had Valjean run? They had been together for a month, learning about each other, their pasts and histories… learning to love every little thing about the other. They learned each other’s patterns and rhythms, their bodies, their secrets… they had fallen into this beautiful hazy dream life together towards the end of summer, and now autumn had arrived both in season and in their relationship. Only just yesterday, the man who he’d come to adore and admire, was missing from Javert’s bed when the inspector had awoken. No note, no word. No advance warning or signs of discontentment in their relationship. Javert was stunned and hurt… and immensely heartbroken. He’d fallen so hard and so fast for this man that he should not have even considered in the first place. He should have known his heart would only be broken. Javert felt so _unloved_. Was it him? Was it something he’d said? Something he’d done… or not done? He looked up at the stars, the only constant thing in his life, and let a tear slip down his cheek in honor of the man and relationship he thought would last forever. Somehow, stupidly, in the depths of his lovesick mind, he imagined if he had to, he'd do it all again. Again, this horrible hurt and this miserable longing, all for Jean Valjean. When he finally returned to his apartment around 3am, he tossed himself into his cold, lonely bed, and fell halfway asleep. He could still almost feel Valjean right next to him, his warmth, his heartbeat keeping Javert awake. Javert wasn’t sure if he ever actually completely fell asleep that night, or if his mind just played tricks on him until the next morning. 

The morning was cool and clear when Valjean awoke in his new house. The weather was invigorating. The night, though filled with tormenting, fretful dreams, had done Valjean some good. He had had a chance to sleep and think things through, and think about Javert. He had a chance to consider why he ran away, and what he really wanted. His fear had always made him run. From everything. His fear had always made him hide. He could never truly be himself around anyone ever in his life after his time in prison. He never wanted anyone to know about his former life, his true self. It was always a facade with him. Always a different mask, a different home, a different life. He could never stay anywhere for long. It was simply in his blood to run. But the night had given him clarity, and it made him realize what he truly wanted in this life. What he truly wanted was a man named Javert. There was something about their time together... that short month. He had learned so much about the inspector, and in turn, he had revealed a lot of himself as well. Maybe too much. The prey should have never fallen for the hunter. And yet, there was something different about Javert. He had this incredibly loving, sweet side to him. Valjean mostly only saw it when Javert was alone with him. There was a serenity about him in those times when they were alone, learning each other's ways and bodies and secrets. There was a passionate, sweet, gentle longing. The way those icy eyes would soften and look down at Valjean... that unblinking gaze... Valjean decided he needed to see him again. Maybe he would be rejected, maybe he could just apologize and come back to this current house. At least he'd get and give some closure. But what he really wanted was to be with that somber, quiet man. He wanted to study his sharp features again. He wanted to learn more about him. He wanted to apologize and tell him it was his nature to run. He wanted to assure him that he was his, and his alone... and that he would never, ever flee again. And he wanted to mean it. 

The day ended uneventfully at work, and Inspector Javert headed home. He walked briskly, but slower than usual. There was no reason to rush home. No reason to feel anything but sadness, loss, anger, confusion, humility. Thoughts of Valjean had tumbled distractingly throughout his head all day today. He could see those eyes, that smile, those hands, those shoulders... all of it and more. Dancing, running. Always running. He could never catch the thoughts or grasp them for long. Snippets of memories, something he could never fully have. He hated this feeling. Javert had never felt this way before, and it ached. He hated himself for allowing himself to be so weak. The worst part was the lack of closure, the unknowing! _Why_ had Valjean run? Javert foolishly believed they had had something. He sighed heavily as he approached his apartment. Uncharacteristically, his eyes were lowered to the ground as he walked. He raised them as he neared the entrance, and a sight made him gasp. Sitting there at his doorstep was Jean Valjean. 

Valjean had been traveling all day to get back to Javert. But he knew it's what he had to do. He was tired, he was hot, he was worried.... but sure enough, he was there. Similarly, Javert had just gotten off of work, so he was also tired, hot, stressed, and all nerves. They both looked just how they felt. 

"Javert," Valjean started, as he stood to greet the taller man. "I... I couldn't get you out of my mind. I don't know why I left in the first place. It's my nature... it's in my blood! But I know now that I can't be without you. I had to come see-" 

Valjean was cut off as Javert wrapped him in his long arms, and kissed him with feeling. Javert lowered his head and nestled it in the crook of Valjean's neck. "God, I missed you." 

Valjean blushed, feeling so bad and so guilty for having run in the first place. The fact Javert didn't yell at him or even question him made him realize how patient and kind that man truly was. He was lucky to have such a forgiving, accepting partner. Then it dawned on Valjean that Javert was probably the type to just blame himself instead, and it made him feel even worse. He stood there, enveloped in the younger man's arms, gently sniffing as a few tears rolled down his cheek in shame. Instead of speaking and making things worse or incriminating himself further, he simply said, "I think I must look... a mess." 

Javert pulled back slightly and visually evaluated him. "No worse than myself." 

Valjean chuckled and added quietly, "I think you look stunning." 

"Psh. Speak for yourself." 

The next morning, as Javert was leaving for work, Valjean was still asleep. Javert smirked at the peaceful slumber of the man who was definitely still there, and would be forevermore. Though they had their differences and their lives were opposite in many ways, they knew they could make their relationship work. Something about one always called to the other... their fates were eternally tied and sealed. Javert kissed the angelic forehead of the sleeping man, and headed out the door. Something caught his eye as his hand reached toward the handle. A note, written in Valjean's writing, he had left for Javert to find. 

_"I love all that we are."_


End file.
